I ask the same question to nearly everyone I meet: "Do you know any good jokes?" I've gotten some good material over time and I thought it would be nice to share some with my readers. Check back often for additions :)
Why was Six afraid of Seven? (Because Seven was a registered six offender.)
There were two men walking down the street. The one in the middle tripped and fell.
Knock-Knock
(Who's there?)
To.
(To who?)
No, no. It's to whom.
What did the rug say to the floor? (I got you covered!)
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive."
My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.
Why do French people eat snails? (Because they don't like fast food.)
What did Batman say to Robin when they got in the Bat Mobile? ("Let's go!")
"I was driving down the street the other day and I was distracted by this sexy chicky walking along the street. I was having a good perve, not watching the road, when BAM! Smashed into a beautiful Mercedes Benz in front of me! Well I got out of the car to apologise and swap insurance details. When I got to the door, a midget (sorry, small person) gout out, looked up at me and said, 'I'm not Happy!' I looked down at him and said, 'Sorry, then which one are you?'"
What do you call a singing computer? (A Dell.)
An Englishman, a Welshman, and an Indian are all in the hospital after their wives have just given birth. The nurse comes out and says, "I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen, but there's been a mistake. We've mixed up your babies and need you to come in and identify them." The Englishman says, "I'll go first," and he goes in and comes out with a baby that is clearly brown. The Indian says, "Excuse me, sir, but that's my baby." The Englishman says, "Yes, I know, but one of those kids in there is Welsh and I don't want to take the chance."
How did the hipster burn himself? (He took a bite of his pizza before it was cool.)
A guy stopped at a red light looked over at the pretty girl in the car next to him, smiled, and rolled down his window. The girl saw him, thought he was a good looking guy, smiled and rolled down her window. The guy turned to her and said, "Oh, did you just fart, too?"
-Russell, English, met on Perhentian Islands, Malaysia
How do you get Pikachu on a bus? (You poke 'im on).
-Sagar, English, met in Bristol, UK
Racist and inappropriate jokes...
Why aren't lampshades black? (Because they'd steal all the light).
-Pree, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? (You only get paid in tips).
-Troy, American, met in Kyoto, Japan
A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they got their wives for Christmas. The rich man says, "I got my wife a diamond bracelet and a new BMW. If she doesn't like the bracelet she can return it in her new BMW." The poor man says, "I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself!"
-Alpen, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
Why was Six afraid of Seven? (Because Seven was a registered six offender.)
-Sam, English, met in Kota Bharu, Malaysia
There were two men walking down the street. The one in the middle tripped and fell.
-Janina, Swiss, met on the Annapurna Trek
Knock-Knock
(Who's there?)
To.
(To who?)
No, no. It's to whom.
-John, American, met in Kolkata, India
What did the rug say to the floor? (I got you covered!)
-Liz, American, dive instructor in Perhentian Islands, Malaysia
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive."
-Jeetpal, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.
-Beau, English, met in Beijing, China
Why do French people eat snails? (Because they don't like fast food.)
-David, French, met in Tokyo, Japan
What did Batman say to Robin when they got in the Bat Mobile? ("Let's go!")
-Tordis, from the Farrow Islands, met on Gili Trawangan, Indonesia
"I was driving down the street the other day and I was distracted by this sexy chicky walking along the street. I was having a good perve, not watching the road, when BAM! Smashed into a beautiful Mercedes Benz in front of me! Well I got out of the car to apologise and swap insurance details. When I got to the door, a midget (sorry, small person) gout out, looked up at me and said, 'I'm not Happy!' I looked down at him and said, 'Sorry, then which one are you?'"
-Steve, Australian, met in Beijing, China
What do you call a singing computer? (A Dell.)
-Gilbert, Canadian, met in Kyoto, Japan
-Alpen, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
-James, Canadian, met in Pokhara, Nepal
-Russell, English, met on Perhentian Islands, Malaysia
How do you get Pikachu on a bus? (You poke 'im on).
-Sagar, English, met in Bristol, UK
Racist and inappropriate jokes...
Why aren't lampshades black? (Because they'd steal all the light).
-Pree, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? (You only get paid in tips).
-Troy, American, met in Kyoto, Japan
A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they got their wives for Christmas. The rich man says, "I got my wife a diamond bracelet and a new BMW. If she doesn't like the bracelet she can return it in her new BMW." The poor man says, "I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself!"
-Alpen, English, met in Jogjakarta, Indonesia
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