Let's Get Real: Jealousy and Envy

This Let’s Get Real post is going to sound a lot like a rant, but it needs to be written… 

"I'm so jealous of you!"

"Oh my God, no fair! I wish I could travel the world."

"I wish a dog attacked me, so I had money to do what you're doing!"

Seriously?!

jealous (adjective): feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages  

envy (noun): a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck

Please don’t say that you are “jealous” or “envious” of my travels. I know you don’t really every mean it to be hurtful, but that’s what it is. Yes, I know I am lucky and blessed to be able to travel, but please don’t make me feel guilty about it.

OK. So I have more money than most people, but let’s not forget how I got that money— a dog ripped apart my face for God’s sake! Though really, even if I didn't have that settlement money I think I would still travel. You don’t have to be rich to travel. There are loads of work/study abroad opportunities, there are ways to save and cut costs, and I’m sure I would have done that. I just didn't need to. So please don’t be jealous of my financial situation. I’m not doing anything any other American couldn't do if he set his mind to it. Honestly. I'm just doing it a little bit differently.

Furthermore, I realize it may look like I am living a life of luxury traveling the world, but that’s just because because the grass is always greener on the other side, and I because I often only share the positive side of things. In my blogs I carefully leave out that part of my day in which I couldn't get off the toilet, or when I have to crawl to the bathroom because I’m too weak to stand. You haven’t read about sunburns so bad it hurts to wear clothes or blisters so raw I literally can’t walk. I don’t tell you when it’s the third night in a row I've eaten alone and the only person I've talked to all day is the man who sells fruit on the corner. Transportation is a nightmare; I've been hit by a bicycle and a motorbike (not hard, but still...) and on occasion I have truly feared for my life. I endure creepy leering and probing stares every day. I've lost a camera and an iPhone and I shattered my Kindle screen. I am living out of a backpack; I have been wearing the same boring clothes for six months. There have been times when I tried to communicate my and failed so miserably I ended up in tears. Oh God, the tears… There was one day I cried five times before 9:00AM! Sobbing was the first impression I made on seven people. Nobody wants that. I don’t write about the nights that I cry myself to sleep because I am so homesick. The stress, the pain, the emotional toll this trip has taken on me is beyond words.

I’m not complaining. I know it might look like it, but I’m just trying to illustrate that it’s not all fun and games. While I am out traveling and admittedly, seeing and doing some amazing things, I am not furthering my career. I am not settling down and starting a family. I am losing connections with friends and family back home. I am missing out on seeing my nieces grow up. Everything in life is a trade-off. I know that when I go back to the US, whenever that may be, I’ll likely be at a disadvantage in many, many aspects. So although I am gaining some life experiences I am losing others. I am worried about what my life will be like when I go home. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a job, find a partner, hold a simple conversation with someone without it sounding like I’m bragging about what I've done. I've given up a lot to go on this journey—maybe not so many tangible things, but opportunities and relationships. But that's all OK with me because this is the path I've chosen. I have my life and you have yours.